#1193
Mickey: o/` Oh, We're just walking
Date: 12/06/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Rimmer: Mickey, it's over.
Mickey: Oh, sorry about that.
Gramps: Lita, for the millionth time (Literally, he's been bothering us all this time we've been out here) I'm sorry.
Lita: And for the millionth time, just drop it and let me treat you like crap until I feel like being nice to you again (No, she hasn't been saying that every time, but it's always been something to that effect)
Gramps: I know what'll put you in a better mood. Mickey, do something stupid so Lita can yell at you.
(Mickey looks at Gramps angrilly)
Gramps: That's not stupid. C'mon, Lita always feels better after she yells at you.
Mickey: I'm not talking to you. You made my life a living hell for a week and a half.
Tork: This may be a bad time to poin out you're talking to him now. Roar?
Rimmer: Roar? You seem so unsure of yourself, there, Tork.
Mickey: I'm just stating it for future reference.
Lita: Mickey, I don't *need* a demon's help to be pissed off at you. 42, I can't believe you fell for this guy.
42: Ick. No offense, Mickey.
Mickey: None taken...I think.
42: I never fell for Mickey. He tried to put the moves on me.
Evil Mike: I KNEW IT! (punches Mickey. That must've felt good for EM. It's been so long). They're all mine, understand? (Actually, I think he just joined us for that one scene. That guy goes great lengths to punch me).
Lita: Yeah...until Bono comes to his senses. Wait, Evil Mike...what're you doing here?
Evil Mike: To punch Mickey. (See? I knew it.) Bye. (leaves)
Mickey: At least cow can't walk here.
Cave Rimmer: MOO!
Mickey and Tork: Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!! (Tork also says, "Grrrr")
(Cave Rimmer laughs to herself)
Rimmer: So...uh, I guess we head back to the ranch then, right?
Mickey: Nope. While everyone was singing, MSTBlanca moved again. We're nowhere near the ranch. Which by the way, the cow's there.
Rimmer: And Deathstalker!
Mickey: Did I mention the cow?
Lita: Boy, won't Evil Mike be surprised when he tries to get back. I better go find him. On second thought, no...that's clone work. 42! Go, now! Mickey, go with her.
42 and Mickey: Why?
Lita: My, how soon we forget about a certain attempted identity theft.
42 and Mickey: Fine. (leave)
Lita: Well, we've got some time. What do you wanna do?
Gramps: How about we play Guess the Animal? I'll start. (Clears throat) Neeeeigh!
Lita: You're pushing it, old man.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Just what I need. More "quality time" with the clone.
(Thanks for clearing that up about the comic, PM)
#1194
<Time passes.>
Date: 12/07/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
..........................................................
<Lita, the Rimmers, Tork, and gramps wait for Mickey and 42 to get back. Then...>
Lita: Ok, I think that's been long enough.
<Lita pulls out her Spidey whistle. Everybody covers their ears, then…>
Lita: o/`TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!1!!!1!!!!1!!!o/`
<No, I don't know why the whistle doesn't hurt Lita's ears. Just pipe down about that, ok? I don't poin out your plot holes. (Ok, I do. But that isn't the poin.) Eventually, Spidey pulls up. Lita and everybody climb aboard. Lita starts driving.>
Rimmer: Ok. That's great. Now what?
Lita: We're gonna go get Evil Mike. I just remembered what he said about him getting all my clones. He knows darn well he's not allowed to mess with my clones! Not even 6969! He's going to get a real talking to when I find him-- Oh! There he is.
<Lita presses a button on the dashboard, and Evil Mike, somewhat unwillingly, joins everybody in Spidey. Yeah, he took the… er… the "rear entrance." He's in a nasty mood, but he takes his usual spot in the front seat, by Lita. Everybody else has to sit in the back seat (also like usual).>
Lita: All right! Time to head over to wherever our new headquarters is gonna be! Uh… where is that?
Rimmer: Lita, I thought your whole reason for sending 42 and Mickey out was to get them to find Evil Mike. Don't you think we should go get them now?
Lita: No. gramps was right. Tormenting Mickey does make me feel better. Nothing like a wild goose chase for chasing wild geese. Or something *smiles*
gramps: Yeah! That was a good idea! Does that mean you aren't mad at me anymore?
Lita: Shut up, clone killer.
gramps: Oh, come on--
Lita: Oh, you thought I'd forgotten about that, huh? How can I forget about 5738? Her blood cries out from the ground!
gramps: I didn't kill--
EM: Hey, shut up! Lita loves each and every one of her clones! You need to treat them with respect. They aren't just toys for you to play with!
<Lita glares at Evil Mike coldly.>
EM: Did I do something wrong?
<EM gets slapped>
Rimmer: Hey, Lita, if you're so caring about all your clones, why did you send 42 out with Mickey? What did she do?
Lita: Oh yeah. I almost forgot, thanks for reminding me. That was a big part of the plan--
<Lita pulls out her cell phone and dials a number.>
Rimmer: All this to bug Mickey. I thought we were supposed to be revenging Pimply Manboobius…
Lita: Shh! I'm on the phone!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
thinks Deathstalker can just stay at the Ranch,
for all she cares.
But she might have Aunt Saliva Fed-Ex her her cow.
#1195
Mickey: Hey, 42, did you hear something?
Date: 12/07/2001
From: Carmelita42
..........................................................
Lita42: I hear a lot of things. I'm not deaf you know. Did you have any sounds in particular you were wondering about?
Mickey: It sounded like Lita's Spidey Whistle.
Lita42: *quickly* I didn't hear that.
Mickey: Oh. Ok. See Evil Mike anywhere?
Lita42: Nope. I wonder why 9000 sent me to do this. She usually handles it herself when Evil Mike escapes.
<42's phone rings. She answers it. It's Carmelita 9000! They have a delightful conversation that Mickey can only hear the 42 side of.>
Lita9000: 42! I forgot to tell you something about your current project! Don't tell Mickey!
Lita42: Ok, what is it?
Lita9000: We already have Evil Mike.
Lita42: Oh, so does that mean we don't have to--
Lita9000: No! You still have to look! This whole looking for Evil Mike thing was just a sham to jerk Mickey around.
Lita42: Oh. I see. So I guess I'll just wander around here in the middle of nowhere and probably get eaten by a bear--
Lita9000: Oh, calm down. The bear would probably eat Mickey first. Besides, it's not like you have anywhere else to be anyway. We're looking for a new place to hang out right now. I'll let you know when we find a place.
Lita42: Hey, you know what? I really think I should be looking for Flopsey instead of Evil Mike. *sniff* He ran away. He's all alone! <she starts to cry a little> I bet he's so scared!
Lita9000: 42… I think there's something you should know about Flopsey…
Lita42: <with sudden horror> Oh no! What if that stupid Pharaoh Mobius got him! He's probably doing a bunch of mean scientific experiments on him!!! Poor Flopsey!
Lita9000: 42, Flopsey was actually…
Lita42: Yes?
Lita9000: <loses her nerve> Look. Just forget about Flopsey, ok? Maybe you can convince Mickey to take you to town and buy you a new pet. A puppy or something.
Lita42: *disappointed* A puppy? That's supposed to replace Flopsey? He was my best friend! And he loved me so much, I could tell! I'd need something much cooler than a puppy! Like a ferret!
Lita9000: Hey, get whatever you want, I don't care as long as it's small. And quit whining at me! I have my own problems to deal with, without yours too! At least Bono doesn't hate you! Just think about that! Do whatever you want, make sure Mickey doesn't have fun while you guys are looking for Evil Mike! Ok?
Lita42: Fine! Whatever! Blah!
Lita9000: Pleh!
Lita42: HMPH!!!
<They hang up.>
Mickey: What was all that about?
Lita42: Oh, Lita was just giving me moral support. And telling me where we might find Evil Mike. She said he might be at the pet store looking for small animals.
Mickey: Oh, not the small animal thing again…
Lita42: Yeah. *with purpose* So let's go-- Hey, you do have some money, don't you?
Mickey: Uh… I guess… Why would we need--
Lita42: Ok, good! *with purpose* So let's go to the pet store!!!
Carmelita42
I'm getting a new pet!
And Mickey's gonna pay for it!
And it's gonna be expensive!
Yippee!!!!!
#1196
(Sometime later...
Date: 12/07/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Only the best damn pet shop in town!
Mickey and 42 arrive at a pet shop. Why there's a pet shop in the middle of the woods is beyond me, but we found one, damn it!)
Mickey (To the man behind the counter): Excuse me, did an Evil Mike come through here recently?
Man behind the counter: We get a lot of Mike's. None of them are particularly evil, though.
42: Got any ferrets?
************************************************************
(We now leave that exciting...yawn...scene and rejoin Lita, Rimmer, Evil Mike, Gramps, Cave Rimmer and Tork in Spidey)
Tork: You know, I think Mickey would be really upset if he knew you were saying those things about him (rather sheepishly, which doesn't make sense for a bear) roar.
Lita: Tork, Mickey needs to grow up sooner or later, I'm just...It's just...you know what? Why don't you concentrate on the fact that your bride was left at the ranch.
Evil Mike: Damn! And I was so looking forward to the reception. There was going to be a tea party.
Tork: Stop making fun of me. I'm a bear, I'll eat you. Roar, roar, ro...you get it.
Evil Mike: Oh. Please. No. Don't eat me. I'm so scared.
Lita: Could everybody just please (something falls in front of Spidey. Something BIG) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
************************************************************
(Back at the pet store, Mickey and 42 are...washing cages?)
42: I can't believe you didn't have any money!
Mickey: I never said I didn't have any money. I just said I wouldn't spend any money.
42: That makes me so mad. That poor ferret.
Mickey: Hey! It's not my fault that anteaters eat ferrets. I thought they just ate ants.
42: Well, *you* didn't have to let the anteater out of it's cage.
Mickey: Hey, it looked like an old friend of mine.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Yes, anteaters eat ferrets. You don't have to look it up. Just trust me on this. Yup.
#1197
Somebody had to be Dawn...
Date: 12/07/2001
From: SantaMobius
<<<Semi-OOC Mode>>>
...might as well be you. Of course, you're not an underage, irritating klepto, so it's not a very good comparison. =)
Say, what's this? A package, for me? How nice! I wonder what's in it?
[PM unwraps the package.]
Eek! Bone eater! Help! I'm being nibbled!
TmPM
Chewed-up Sarcophagus!
#1198
What the...
Date: 12/07/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalallalalala
Wait a minute. THAT's what Rimmer and Lita look like! And I said that I was disappoined with there looks!
WWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
< sob, cry, weep, blubber, whimper, etc. >
#1199
42: Ugh. I need a shower.
Date: 12/07/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
jsdf'jfjdklaj;joeijfc
(Mickey and 42 have left the pet shop. Anyone who was close to them could've told you that. But no one's near them, and perhaps that's a good thing.)
42: I wanted a pet. Lita said you'd get me one.
Mickey: Lita said that? Since when does she control my money?
42: I thought you liked me.
Mickey: Nope. I thought about what you said while we were walking, and, yes, I do take offense at that.
42: Christmas is coming up.
Mickey: Yes. It is.
42: Well, get me a pet! It's an early Christmas present!
Mickey: Yeah, but if I got you something, than 9000 would want something, and than 6969 would want something, and then the rest of you would come crawling out of the woodwork. You see where I'm going with this?
42: Yep. You're cheap.
Mickey: Exactly.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Watch me! I'm getting 1200!
#1200
Voot! Voot! Voot!
Date: 12/07/2001
From: SantaMobius
I'm not post-wasting! NOOOOO!!!
That Gypsy, she's some gal!
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
#1201
Told you so.
Date: 12/07/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
...........................
MST3K
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Dances and taunts everybody.
#1202
No, you got 1201!!! Ha ha!!!!
Date: 12/07/2001
From: Sam_Casey
You turkey. =)
Federal Agent Sam Casey
I admit, that wasn't very mellow.
But at least it wasn't Schmoe & Wurwolf this time.
Canabis!
#1203
Oh that's it!!!
Date: 12/07/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I'm mad.
MST3K again.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Why? Can't a man dream?
#1204
<poins at Mickey and laughs>
Date: 12/07/2001
From: Tork_110
Ya missed!!! (no text)
#1205
Yeah, well...
Date: 12/07/2001
From: ArmoredMickey
................................
You're a bear. What's up with that?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Armored because your poining doesn't hurt him.
#1206
42: You're such a jerk.
Date: 12/07/2001
From: Carmelita42
.........................................................
Mickey: What?
42: *sigh* I said I guess, we better go look for Evil Mike some more. You know what? I bet he's at that mall just outside the woods. Let's look there.
Mickey: We're not really looking for Evil Mike, are we?
42: What gives you that idea?
Mickey: Oh, I don't know. It's probably just the overwhelming pile of evidence that poins to that conclusion.
42: Ok. Fine. We're not. 9000 found Evil Mike already, like, a few hours ago. But don't tell her I told you. She's just got us out looking in order to bug you.
Mickey: Why does she torment me all the time? Does she hate me?
42: Nah. It's probably because she's Queen Bitch. I bet she figures that she has to be bitchy to *somebody* once in a while, or else the other bitches might take her Bitch Crown away.
Mickey: She has a Bitch Crown?
42: Yeah. She even wears it sometimes.
Mickey: How incredibly conceited--
42: Now, let's get to that mall. I have a new wardrobe to buy, and you're paying.
Mickey: Hey, hold on there! I thought I just told you I wasn't going to spen--
<42 pulls out her gun.>
Mickey: Oh. Crud.
42: I wasn't going to do this, but you shouldn't have been so mean to me. *pout* See, I've got a big Flopsey shaped hole in my heart, *sniff* and I mean to fill it with lots of new clothes. *sob*
Mickey: Fine. Quit crying. We'll go to Target.
42: Target? I want expensive clothes!!!
Mickey: *grumbling* You Litas are all the same, I tell ya…
<Just then, they see Sheriff Alan Hale's police car pull up in front of the pet shop! (I don't know how he drove through all those trees, the pet shop being in the middle of the forest and all.) Sheriff Hale gets out, and goes inside.>
Mickey: Oh no! The pet shop owner must have noticed we snuck out and called the police!
<They did sneak out, you see, Mickey just forgot to tell you that in his haste to make 1200. I had that part all written out, and then Mickey had to go and post in front of me! Pleh!!1!>
42: We've got to get out of here before he finds us!
<Mickey and Lita 42 run away in a hurry.>
Carmelita42
I wanted a ferret for a really long time. But it's illegal to own ferrets in California. HMPH!!!
Mickey missed 1200! AAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!11!!1
#1207
Yeah, Tork.
Date: 12/07/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
.......................................................
You *wish* you hadn't said you were dissapointed with our looks, but you did it anyway! HMPH!!!
And you left your fiance alone at the ranch with Deathstalker. What kind of a future husband are you?!?!
Tork: ROOAAR!!!
Lita: EEEK!!!
Lita
#1208
(42 and Mickey run into the mall)
Date: 12/07/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Just kidding. Little joke there, get it? Yeah, same to you.)
Mickey: Seeing as how we're in a crowded mall, you *might* want to put the gun away.
42: Oh, right. (puts it in her pocket) That doesn't mean it isn't there, though. Get it?
Mickey: Yeah. I got it. I can't believe all this time, Lita's been mean to me just because she just needs to fill some royal quota. Wow, that's a relief. It's not because I didn't do anything wrong.
42: I wouldn't say that.
(42 and Mickey enter the Really Really Expensive Clothes Store...not being the clothes buff, I'd have no damn clue where were supposed to go, but that title seems appropriate enough.)
Mickey: Wow. (picks up a hat) Are we buying clothes or cars?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
I guess the Litas aren't all alike. 42 likes to wear clothes.
#1209
<Something falls in front of Spidey...>
Date: 12/07/2001
From: Lita_n_Spidey
.........................................................
<…something BIG! (Thought I forgot about that, did you?) It's one of Pharaoh Mobius's robots, and it has two great big mallets instead of hands. Either the robot is malfunctioning, or PM is even more ticked off at Lita and Rimmer and the gang than usual, because the robot starts trying to squish Spidey!!!1!1!!1!!!>
Everybody: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!111!!1!1!1!!!!!!1!
<The robot starts chasing Spidey around through the woods, using his gigantic mallet hands to knock down everything in its path.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
doesn't wanna get smooshed by any of PM's stupid robots!
#1210
[PM] Okay Sam, explain this to me again.
Date: 12/07/2001
From: SantaMobius
<<<Sam's in Trouble! Mode>>>
[Sam] Errr... well, you see, Big Daddy... The thing is, I miss my ol' buddy Buffalo.
[PM] *And*...
[Sam] And I figured that I could make a robot Buffalo, if I doppled a brain into a robot body. So I did! Only...
[PM] Only you sent the dopple to the wrong robot bay, didn't you?
[Sam] Well, yeah. See, I wanted it to go into one of those groovy cleaning robots you have down in bay 13G...
[PM] But you typed in 31G, didn't you.
[Sam] Ummm... I guess so.
[PM] You *guess* so? Sam, Bay 31G is where I keep the WarBots! You just doppled Ra-who-knows-what brain into a 5UP3R-M4R10 "Hammer Brother"-class WarBot!
[Nabut enters, in a panic.] My Liege! Radio reports indicate that the WarBot is tearing across the countryside, randomly and brutally destroying everything in its path!
[PM] Great Isis! What the hell kind of brain did you put into that Bot, Sam?!?
[Sam] Errr... you know, just one I found in your brain-in-a-jar collection. I didn't think you'd miss it!
[PM] What was the name on the side of the jar, Sam?
[Sam] It was... Anthony! Anthony something. I can't make out your handwriting, Big Daddy!
[PM] Sam, that's perfectly neat cursive handwriting.
[Sam] That's what I'm talking about! I never learned to read and write that loopy-poopy stuff!
[PM grabs the jar from Sam.] Let me see that... [Peers intently at the jar, then drops it. It shatters on the floor.] Oh dear God, NO!
[Nabut] What is it, My peach- err-- My Liege?
[PM] The brain that Sam doppled into that unstoppable killing machine was... AN ANTEATER BRAIN!!!!! [Cue dramatic organ chord.]
[Sam and Nabut] *GASP!!!*
[PM] Do you realize how bitter and insane anteaters are, Sam? They're so universally reviled that each and every one of them are malevolent and vengeful creatures! No wonder the Bot's destroying everything in sight!
[Sam] So what do we do, Big Daddy? We can't let that thing kill everybody!
[PM] We're going to split up and find that thing, and then we're gonna stop it! And frankly, I hope you find it first, Sam. Maybe Super Mario will teach you a lesson about playing with Weird Science machinery.
[Sam] SUPER MARIO?!?!?
[PM] Yeah, that's it's name! 5UP3R-M4R10 is "leet speak" for Super Mario! Get it?!?
[Sam] No.
[Nabut] Yes, but I think it's silly.
[PM] Whatever, let's go stop that thing!!!
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
I'm not opposed to gratuitous violence and destruction
So long as it's planned.
Sarcophagus!
#1211
<Spidey's running down the highway>
Date: 12/07/2001
From: Lita_n_Spidey
.......................................................
<Lita looks in her rear view mirror.>
Lita: Geez! That thing's still chasing us! It just won't quit! You'd think it thought we were an anteater or something!
Rimmer: Boy, if we live to see PM, I'm going to slap him so hard--
gramps: I don't want to pry into yer personal business, Missy, but doncha think that kind of behavior might just be the reason this Pharaoh Mobius feller sent this newfangled gizmo after us in the first place?
Rimmer: Shut up.
gramps: Well, consarnit!
Rimmer: I said shut up!
Lita: And if you must talk, at least talk like a normal person. You know how bad I am at dialects.
Gramps: Well, fine! Hmph!
<Spidey lurches sharply to the side, as he narrowly misses being hit by one of the robot's hammers.>
Tork: Grr! We're in a giant spider, can't we just spin a web in its path and stop it? Grr?
Lita: Heey… That's just crazy enough to work! Does everybody have their seatbelts fastened?
Backseat passengers: No.
Lita: Well, then get fastened!
Cave Rimmer: There aren't enough belts. There are four people back here, and only three belts.
Tork: If you'd let one of us sit up front with you and Evil Mike where there's another seatbelt--
EM: No.
<The Rimmers take two of the belts. grandmapa gets the third, on the grounds that he's elderly, and his elbows are bony and good for jabbin' with. Spidey starts spinning a web around the robot. This, of course, involves a lot of climbing around on Spidey's part, so he's not always right side up. Tork is thrown all around inside the cab, and lots of people get slapped and kicked as he tries to steady himself. Eventually, he falls into the front seat, onto Lita's lap.>
Tork: Oh! Hi! Rarr!
Lita: Get off of me! I'm trying to drive!
EM: Yeah, get off of h--
**SMAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!!!!**
<That sound was caused by the robot breaking through the web, and hitting Spidey really hard with his hammers. Darn it Tork! That's what happens when you distract the driver!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
ouch.
#1212
<At the Mall>
Date: 12/07/2001
From: Carmelita42
..........................................................
<Carmelita 42 has picked out lots and lots of clothes for herself, and she's at the cash register now, waiting for the cashier to finish ringing up the bill.>
Cashier: Ok, Miss, that comes to $3,762.85. Will you be paying by check or credit card?
42: Ok, my friend over there will be happy to pay for all of this… Mickey?
<Lita 42 looks all around, but Mickey is nowhere to be seen. Boy is this embarrassing…>
42: Oh… shoot.
Cashier: *looking worried* Excuse me?
<Lita 42's gun has picked the worst possible moment to fall out of her pocket. It lands on the floor, but doesn't go off. There is a long silence, while everybody smiles nervously at each other, and the cashier presses madly at the secret alarm buzzer under her counter.>
42: Oh, gee… how did that get there?
<Within minutes, Carmelita42 is surrounded by mall security. (Yes, I said minutes. This is *mall* security, after all.)>
***
<Outside the mall, Mickey is walking (almost *skipping*) away happily, and talking to himself, as he has a tendency to do.>
Mickey: Tee-hee! I'm free! Free from the Bitch Twins at last!! Mickey, that was the coolest thing you've ever done! Why, thank you, Mickey! Ha ha! I'm going to give myself a high five! <he does> Woo-hoo!
***
<Back inside the mall, one of the security guards picks up Carmelita 42's pistol, gingerly. A small stream of water dribbles out the back and onto his leg.>
Guard: This is a squirt gun--
42: Of course it is! I'm not the kind of person to just go around shooting people!
Guard: But you used it to try to rob the store--
42: I did not!
Guard: We're going to have to take you into custody.
42: But--
<They lead her away.>
Carmelita42
Things aren't looking too good for
Either of the main Litas in this story
Note from 9000: Way to go, Mickey! You got my clone arrested! If I weren't being attacked by an evil insane robot right now, I'd give you *such* a pinch!
#1213
in my defense...
Date: 12/07/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
123435674718237489137247123974972384710239849
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS is with Ortega.
Okay, so that's more like poining my finger at Mickey (twice in one day!) than an actual defense.
Sure, I admit that what I left was worse, but...
Aw, heck...
< Tork, in another dimension, is attacking the Big Misunderstood Sex Machine aka the armored car from the beginning of Diabolik. (I love that name!) >
Tork: Come on out, Mickey! Rarrr!
Mickey: I will not! Ha ha ha, your poining is useless against me!
Tork: RRRR
#1214
Run, Mickey, Run!!!
Date: 12/08/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
run run run run run run run
Mickey (Looks behind him): Oh crap. I've run myself right out of the rp. Just as well, I guess. After Lita's found out what I did. Well, I guess I'll go home. Now which direction is New Hampshire? I think this way...
(Not so fast, Mickey. You've just wandered right in front of an overturned Giant Spider)
Mickey: No, it can't be. People drive spiders all the time, right? Uh-oh.
************************************************************
(oh, and that's not all of Mickey's worries, no sir)
42 (on the phone): C'mon, Lita...pick up. I only get one phone call, you know. (Lita picks up) Finally!
Lita: Have I not taught my clones good phone manners?
42: Geesh. Sorry.
Lita: No big deal. I've got bigger problems to worry about. Where are you?
42: I'm in mall jail.
Lita: Hah!!! Mall jail. What you in for? Spitting over the railing on the escolator?
42: I'm waiting to be taken to real jail because of someone. Guess who?
Lita: Oooh gee, I don't know...Mickey?
42: Bingo!
Mall Security Guard: Hey! No playing bingo in there!
Lita: Look, I'll figure this out as soon as I'm done dealing with this robot.
42: Robot? Only us.
************************************************************
Mickey: Oooh good. Giant rampaging robot. That'll distract them. I can sneak by, and...
Lita (shouting really loud): I SMELL A RAT!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Rat
(Makes a note to himself: Never go to work again because one of Lita's clones might be arrested in my name)
#1215
an annoying autobiographical pause
Date: 12/08/2001
From: skilledartisanrat
Wow, how pathetic is my social life that I just read every reply in this thread? (I'm new here...please continue!)
(scurrying back under the covers)
#1216
<Lita grabs Mickey...
Date: 12/08/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
...........................................................
…and pulls him back behind some bushes where she and everybody else are hiding.>
Lita: Geez, Mickey! Are you trying to get killed, wandering around that giant insane robot? Look what it did to Spidey!
<He looks>
Mickey: Wow.
Tork: And we were all in Spidey at the time!
Rimmer: It was Lita's bad driving that got us hit.
Lita: It wasn't my fault! Tork was distracting me!
EM: And it was his stupid idea to try the web thing anyway!
gramps: You two younguns were the ones who wouldn't let him use a seatbelt!
Tork: Now, now, it's PM's robot, remember? It's his fault! <almost as an afterthought> Grr.
<They argue heatedly for a while about whose fault it was that Spidey got hit.>
Rimmer: But fortunately, we all managed to escape without being killed or seriously injured.
Lita: *grimly* Except Spidey. Just look at him.
<They look. The robot is just wailing on him. Spidey's looking less and less like a spider all the time.>
EM: Oh, you'll repair him, Lita. You always do.
Lita: Huh. *You'll* repair him. *I'll* supervise from a distance while sipping a gin and tonic. That's how these things work. Say, Mickey. Where is Lita42?
Mickey: Uh… Where?
Rimmer: Yes. What have you been up to while we've been nearly getting killed?
Mickey: Uh… Well… It all happened like this…
<Everything dissolves into wavy lines. Mickey's having a flashback sequence!>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mickey's Voice: We were at the pet store, looking for Evil Mike, like we were supposed to, when 42 decided to look for a pet of her own...
42: Oooh! Mickey! <she poins> Look at this Bengal Tiger! Isn't it pretty?
Mickey: Yes. But I don't think it's a good idea too look at it so closely like that. Tigers can be dangerous.
42: It'll be fine! I think he likes me! Look, he's coming closer!
Mickey: Is that cage locked?
42: Good point! I'll just unlock it and climb inside so that I can get a closer look, then I'll just… EEEK!!!!1!!!1!!
Mickey's Voice: The tiger bit her head off. Just like that. It was awful.
Lita's Voice: That is awful! My poor clone!
Mickey's Voice: Hey, get out of this scene! This is *my* flashback! Anyway, it didn't take me long to find out the horrible truth about that pet shop. It was owned by Pharaoh Mobius himself. That's why every pet in there was something that could kill you. So, I went to MSTBlanca, determined to avenge the wrongful death of your clone.
Nabut: <guarding the door> Halt! Who goes there!
Mickey: It's me! Mickey! Get out of the way, or DIE!!!
Nabut: <Screams like a little girl and runs away in a humiliatingly wussy fashion.>
Mickey's Voice: I entered Mobius's evil lair…
<Pharaoh Mobius is reclining on a chaise lounge as Mrs. Mobius (now dressed as a harem girl) feeds him grapes and fans him.>
Lita's Voice: For some reason this is sounding strangely familiar--
Mickey's Voice: Hey, I told you to butt out of my flashback! Don't make me warn you again!
Mickey: Pharaoh Mobius! It's time for your evilness to come to an end! I have come here to stop you!
PM: Ahh… Mickey. It took a lot of cleverness and cunning and supercoolness on your part to make it this far. I could use talent like yours on my team. Join me, and you will be my second in command, and you'll get 45% of all my ill-gotten wealth, and I'll even remove that infuriating Nabut hologram that you've been wearing for practically forever. What do you say?
Mickey: Don't try to tempt me, you vile evil person, you! I work for the side of good! And I will not betray my friends!
PM: You make me sad. Very well. If you will not join me, then you will DIE!!
<An intense fight scene follows. There's an awful lot of impressive martial arts. It's like The Matrix and Crouching Tiger and a whole slew of Bruce Lee movies all rolled into one. Mrs. Mobius is doing that thing women do when fights happen in movies. That is to say, she's standing well back, looking on concernedly, clutching her hands to her chest, and saying things like, "Ooh!" and "Oh my!" and "My gracious!" and "Way to go, PM! Give it the old college try!" Before long, Pharaoh Mobius is lying on the ground, as Mickey stands over him.>
PM: I… regret… nothing… <he dies.>
Mrs. Mo: You killed him!
Mickey: Yes. I had to. <with sudden sadness> He was such a great scientist… If only he'd used his intellect for good instead of evil. <he shakes his head> This is the part of the job I hate.
Mrs. Mo: <Takes Mickey's arm.> You're such a good strong man… My last husband was waaay too evil.
PM: Oh, that's just great, Nefertiti! I'm not even cold yet and you're already all over the new guy!
Mrs. Mo: Shut up, Sutenhotep! You're dead! <she gives Pharaoh Mobius's body a little kick> Now, where were we?
<Mrs. Mobius and Mickey kiss passionately.>
Mickey's Voice: And then aaaaall night we--
Rimmer's Voice: You know what? I think we get the idea.
Mickey's Voice: Oh. Right. Sorry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mickey: Anyway, that's where I've been, and that's what happened to Lita 42. I'm sorry, Lita. I couldn't save her.
Lita: Yeah. About that story. It wasn't actually… true. Was it?
Mickey: Er… ok. No. Actually, what happened was, 42 and I were walking along, but then a bunch of mean older kids came up to us and--
Everybody Else: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!1!!!1!!1!!
Mickey: What?
<Everybody poins at what caused the outburst. Mickey turns around and sees that the robot has finished demolishing Spidey, and has found their hiding place. There is a general panic as everybody scatters and the robot starts destroying the foliage.>
Rimmer: Ok, everybody! Next hiding place we find, we're not going to talk loudly the whole time we're hiding! Ok?
Everybody Else: Ok!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
knows what really happened to 42,
but wants to hear it from Mickey.
Not that he knows she's been arrested.
The hell? Carmelita42 isn't a robot! She's a clone! Big difference!
#1217
Amnesia, a musical, what's next?
Date: 12/08/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(the gang sneaks out from behind the bush, but...)
Lita: Come on, Mickey!
Mickey: I'd *like* to, but I'm stuck on something!
Gramps: Get off my walker, whippersnapper! (Gramps, using amazing strentgh for someone not his age, shakes Mickey loose, right into the path of...uh-oh)
(SMUSH!!!!)
Rimmer: Mickey! Oh no...
Tork: He's still there, the robot missed him...barely.
(everyone looks at Tork angrilly)
Tork: What? Grrrr....
Lita: The way I see it, bears are pretty strong. Tork, guess who just got elected to go and get Mickey?
Tork: Uh...Evil Mike?
Lita: Get out there! (pushes him)
(Tork dodges everything in his way and gets Mickey. Tork's feeling really good about himself for not getting crushed by the robot. Nobody should tell him it was looking the other way)
Tork: He's not moving. Roar.
Rimmer (takes Mickey's pulse): He's got a pulse. I think he might be in a coma. (<------There it is! There it is!)
Evil Mike: Well, tell him not to be in a coma. I want to punch him some more.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
In a coma
#1218
Thinking, thinking, thinking...
Date: 12/09/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
.......................................................
*lightbulb* Ok! Here we go!
Rimmer: Mickey's in a coma. It isn't safe to keep him here. That robot is still pretty dangerous. Let's go.
Lita: But we can't just leave Spidey!
Rimmer: Why not? He's just a car.
Lita: He's not just a car! He's special! He's… he's…
gramps: A demon?
Lita: No!
EM: Face it, Lita. Spidey's dead.
Lita: No!
EM: Yes! He's deceased! Without life! Not existing! Perished! Lifeless! Inanimate! Late! Defunct! Breathless! No longer living! Devoid or deprived of life! Departed! Gone! Dead as a doornail! No more! Done for! Gone the way of all flesh! Gone to his reward! Gone to meet his Maker! Out of his misery! Snuffed out! Pushing up daisies! Rubbed out! Washed up! Gone by the board! Resting in peace! DEAD!!!
Lita: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!1!!!!1!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!1!!!
<Lita shouldn't have wailed in anguish so loudly. It just got the robot's attention. Oops.>
Rimmer: That's it, we're going.
<Tork and Evil Mike grab Mickey's body, and they all run away, leaving the robot to its senseless destruction, demolition, annihilation, eradication, slaughter, liquidation, extermination, elimination, abolition, disruption, bombardment, disintegration, extinction, wreckage, dissolution, butchery, sabotage, sacking, extinguishing, crashing, and tearing down. (All right, all right! I'm putting the thesaurus away! I promise!) Eventually, the group gets far enough away from the robot that they are in no immediate danger, though they can still faintly hear it carrying on in the distance. Tork gently puts Mickey's feet on the ground. Evil Mike lets go of Mickey's shoulders, and he drops with a thud.>
Lita: Quit that. He's injured.
EM: Whatever.
Lita: Hmph. A coma. How annoying. You know, he might think this whole coma thing is all fun and games now, but just wait until he finds out it just means he doesn't get any lines!
Mickey: I wouldn't say that…
Lita: Huh?!
<Full of surprise, Lita looks at Mickey's body on the ground. It's still really, really in a coma. She turns around and sees Mickey standing right behind her! (And it's Actual Mickey, not Nabut-Hologram Mickey!)>
Lita: Eek!
Mickey: Hi!
Lita: Oh… wait. I know what's going on. One thing my years of watching vampire-based programming has taught me is that sometimes when a person is in a coma, his or her spirit will leave their body, and wander around.
Mickey: Yep. That's pretty much what's going on here. And you know what? You're the only one who can see and hear me, Lita!
Lita: *gasp* Really?
Mickey: No. I'm just kidding. Ha ha!
Lita: ...
Tork: You'd better watch it, having responses like that, Lita. It's that three-dot kind of thing that drove PM into the homicidal rage that killed Crono! Growl!
Lita: Yeah. Whatever.
Mickey: But you know what's really cool about this? Check it out!
<Mickey waggles his fingers in Evil Mike's face. It's really annoying.>
EM: Hey. Stop that. It's really annoying.
Mickey: Punch *me* all the time, will you?
<Mickey doesn't stop, so Evil Mike starts punching. His fists go right through Mickey though. Mickey's like a ghost!>
Mickey: Ha ha ha! <he keeps putting his hands in Evil Mike's face.>
Lita: Stop it, you guys.
EM: Oh, you think you're so clever, Mickey? Just because you think I can't hit you? Check this out!
<Evil Mike punches Mickey's body.>
Mickey: Hey! Don't do that!
EM: I'll do what I want!
<EM keeps punching Mickey's body. Mickey's spirit tries to stop him, but he's just a spirit, and his hands go right through Evil Mike when he tries to grab him.>
Lita: <pushes Evil Mike over> I told you to knock it off! For crying out loud! You two are like children, I swear!
EM: Aw, you're still just mad because of what happened to Spidey.
Lita: *sniff* Quit talking about Spidey.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
thinks everybody should have a thesaurus.
"Gone the way of all flesh"
I love that!
#1219
Spidey's not dead! He's only mostly dead
Date: 12/09/2001
From: Dumbschmoe
Anybody want a peanut?
**********************
Oh wait, check that. He's dead.
You know what you could do though, Lita! You could have him stuffed! He'd make a great bean bag chair, he's already shaped like one. I betcha he'd be real comfy!!
It's not like we'll be parted,
Dumbschmoe
It's not like we'll never know love.
fw!!
no socks
#1220
*snick* Lita, Mickey, Tork!
Date: 12/09/2001
From: Ghost_of_Rimmer_Past
I have the silliest and most diabolical plan of all silly and diabolical plans!
Rimmi: This doesn't apply to our current situation but this chomik that PM is making gave me an idea. Whenever PM is able to animate this part of our story and anything after it we can alter everything he does. If we were to write that he had big saggy manboobs he'd have to draw himself with manboobs. If we say his face is just one big pimple on top of pimple on top of pimple he'd have to draw himself like that. If his butt were so big that when he sat 'round the house he'd have to draw himself sitting 'round the house. WE ARE IN CONTROL!!111!! We RULE!!! I need each of you to cooperate to make this work. Agreed?
#1221
Speaking of the chomik...
Date: 12/09/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
....................................................
I just saw Mickey and Tork's pics. Neat!
Rimmer, are you saying PM *doesn't* have big saggy manboobs? I've been picturing him all wrong!!!
Lita
#1222
Tork: You know what Mickey needs?
Date: 12/09/2001
From: Lita_the_Surly_Elf
......................................................
Everyone Who is Not Tork: What?
Tork: Medical attention. Grr.
EM: But we're really far away from a hospital. Oh well. I guess Mickey's just going to have to stay seriously injured.
gramps: Now wait just a gol-durned minute there, Whippersnapper! Lita's good at doctorin'!
Rimmer: Is that true?
Lita: Well, I was a doctor for about five minutes back at MSTBlanca.
gramps: And you were a durned good doctor too.
Rimmer: Ok. Check him out, Lita. See what you think.
Mickey: I don't know about this. She hates me.
Lita: <putting on her nurse hat> Oh, I do not! You have nothing to worry about! <Lita looks at Mickey's unconscious body.> Hmm… It looks like... a coma. Well… There's nothing I can do. We're going to have to put him down.
Mickey: Hey, no!
EM: Finally she says something cool! It's about time! Hey, Lita! Can I kill him? <He pulls out his big knife.>
Lita: Oh, Mike! You're so cute when you're excited! But I really prefer to refer to the procedure as "euthanasia," not killing.
Mickey: I don't like that idea! I want a second opinion! Preferably from somebody who didn't get all her medical training from watching sick dogs on Animal Planet!
Tork: I guess we could call that nurse.
Mickey: No, she's just as bad as Lita!
Lita: Hey!
EM: I don't know. The nurse did all right with me when I was in a coma.
Mickey: Wait, you were in a coma? I thought I had an original malady…
EM: No.
gramps: But Evil Mike didn't walk around and stuff while he was in a coma. So that's differnt.
Lita: I don't know why you're taking it so personally, Mickey. I'm just giving you my professional opinion.
Mickey: Professional? You're not a professional! You're a horrible doctor!
Lita: <a bit hurt> I'm a good doctor. I've never lost a patient.
Mickey: Oh, so you wanted to start with me? That's great. You know what, Lita? You're not my doctor anymore!
Lita: Aww… <Lita takes off her nurse hat.>
EM: Damn. <He puts away his knife.>
Tork: Hey, roar! Shouldn't Mickey be able to come out of his coma just by climbing back into his body?
<There's a long pause. Everybody looks at the Mickey spirit.>
Mickey: Er… I guess probably that's true. But I like it better out here. At least my spirit or whatever looks like me instead of like Nabut. I'm sick of looking like Nabut!
Rimmer: Meanwhile, we're the ones who have to drag your body around, you big load!
<As fascinating as this conversation is, I think we should check on poor Carmelita42, who is in jail because Mickey abandoned her just when she needed him most...>
***
<Carmelita42, dressed in a prison uniform, is sitting in her cell looking at the floor. And that's about it. You can hear crickets chirping, I guess, but that's not all that exciting. Sorry. I thought this would be more interesting. I guess I was wrong. Let's check on the robot instead, shall we?>
***
<The robot is breaking things, just like he's been doing for the last two days. Smash, smash, smash. And that's about it. Oh screw it. This reply is going nowhere! I'm just going to pull the plug!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1223
I don't know, Rimmer...
Date: 12/09/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Can't he just do that to us, too?
I do like my picture. You have *no* idea how lifelike it is (Yes I'm either really cute or really annoying looking).
As for the rp, I'm stuck. How do you like that? My own plot poin (well, the robot kind of counts, so two) and I've got nothing. I'll try to come up with something, I'm just dissapoined (<-----Ha! Just when you thought we couldn't beat that old joke to death anymore!).
We already had a coma. I should've known that. Oh well, comas are fun (It's like one of those tv shows where they play clips from old episodes) . And they're completly harmless to Lita clones!!!.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Writer's block...is a harsh mistress.
#1224
umm, Mickey...
Date: 12/09/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
I wouldn't argue with a lady who's in to genital mutilation.
< Tork nervously smiles at Rimmer and gives her his own personal thumbs up. >
And that's my beaten-to-death joke!! Double hmph on you!
Tork_110
serves the Dark One
4 "hmph" is approximately 1 "blah"
#1225
I'm having fun right now...
Date: 12/10/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
with my TftD trading cards.
I'll trade someone a h_wood for a Wastey McSpammington. What's this? Another "Grandmapa is drunk" card? They have these in every pack! Oh wow! A rare hologram card featuring Sunday12
And look! The new cards that capture the fan favorite scenes. Nabut being tortured. Mickey going crazy after getting a compliment for his nachos. Tork poining at Rimmer. Poining? That must be a typo. Or a brilliant ad lib! (Yeah, that's it!)
Look what I can do with some paper doll clothing. Lita's a nurse. Now she's a queen. Now she's a nurse. Now she's a queen. Now she's a elf. Now she's Barbie. Wheee! And now if I add some numbers, it's one of her clones! Look, it's Lita6969. Now she's Lita42.
When are we going to see pictures of Mrs. Mobius??!?!??!!?!
(Oh, and Nabut and everyone else.)
Tork_110
looks like a Mega Man boss (and loving it)
wonders what a Dumbshmoe and a wurwolf looks like
still angry at h_wood for stealing MY Simpsons joke
( you remember, back at reply #848)
#1226
Hey Faphfaorhaohah!
Date: 12/10/2001
From: wurw_elf
....................................
You should make a link on your site to this post on the Duh. I was just perusing your fine pictures (the bag full of booze is a nice touch on grandmapa, by the way) and I wanted to come here, but I had to get through the main page of the Duh. I don't have this post bookmarked. :o( My bad, I know, but it would be neat to have a link.
Just a thought! :o)
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#1227
[OOC] Re: TFTD
Date: 12/10/2001
From: PharaohMobius
Wurwolf: consider it done, as of right now. That's right, folks: Wurwolf's laziness means greater convenience for you! (Kidding! Just kidding! =))
Lita and Rimmer: I do *not* have saggy man-boobs. My man-boobs are pert and firm-yet-supple. They are the peak of man-boob perfection! =)
(Okay, I went the distance for the sake of the joke. Nonetheless, I've got to say ICK!!!!!)
Tork: supporting character sketches are on the way, as are the requested re-draws for Rimmer and Lita.
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
#1228
Phairly Monosyllabic better not ...
Date: 12/10/2001
From: Ghost_of_Rimmer_Past
say nasty things about us. I've been taking lessons from Kiki (is that the name of the Korean chick from Angels Revenge?) about genital mutilation. I've started carrying a sword like hers which I've named Mr. Pointy McHappySackSlasher so he better watch it!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<Meanwhile at MSTBlanca a woman with no pants enters and orders the girliest drink available.>
No pants lady: <to Rick> This drink is great! I'd like to tell the manager about it.
Rick: You don't need to get him, sweetheart, I made the drink.
No pants lady: I want to talk to the manager and give him a tip.
Rick: Tips would custumarily go to me-
No pants lady: Get me the manager!!111!!!!
Rick: Fine. <calls PM over between grumbles. PM goes over to her>
PM: I heard you wanted to give me something.
No pants lady: Yep! <She takes a sharp bone out of her purse and cuts PM with it>
Rick: Heh heh heh.... Sucker!
PM: Well that's a crappy tip.
No pants lady: That wasn't my tip. My tip was that this place needs some politically incorrect murals but I guess I ought to change that to watch out for full moons. <with that she makes her great escape but not without taking a header down a flight of stairs before getting away.>
And so the saga of WEREPHARAOH begins!!!!!
#1229
Just remember PM,
Date: 12/10/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
I tried to talk her out of it!
OK, let's try this now.....................................
************************************************************
(in a jail cell)
42: Ooooh, Mickey, you're going to be so dead when I get out of here...or at least really humiliated, I haven't decided yet.
(Mickey's spirit appears out of nowhere)
Mickey: 42!
42: GAH! What do you want?
Mickey: 42!
42: That's my number, don't wear it out.
Mickey: 42!
42: WHAT?!
Mickey: $...Well, you don't have to yell.
42: Sorry. What do you want?
Mickey: You killed me!
42: I know! I'm so so...wait, no I didn't.
Mickey: Oh, nevermind...see you later.
42: Wait! Can you get me out of here?
Mickey: Uh...I'm a spirit. I can't do much of anything.
42: Hmmm...what's the difference between spirit Mickey and Real Mickey then?
Mickey: Oh fine. Just for that, I'm not going to tell you my idea.
42: No. Fine. What is it?
Mickey: I'll call Ortega and tell him to bring the Big Misunderstood Sex Machine aka the armored car from the beginning of Diabolik that's no longer a time transport®, and I can pay your bail money (it is an armored car, after all, it's just not my money) and for the clothes, as soon as I get back into my body.
42: When can you get back into your body?
Mickey: Uh, I can't. Not for a while, and it has nothing to do with my looks. It has to do with, uh...Evil Mike threw it into a river.
42: Oh. Damn. Well, hurry up and get it back than.
Mickey: Sure thing. So, how you holding up? Oh, sorry, bad choice of words.
42: It's not all that bad. I've taught the crickets how to play circus. (picks one up) This one here, he's our trapezist.
Mickey: Ooooooooooooooookay (leaves)
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Continuity be damned! Spirits see all!
#1230
Oh yeah, the trading cards...
Date: 12/10/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
First, the trading cards, than the cartoon, than the action figures, than the video game, than the movie...no, I'm not having delusions. Why do you ask?
So, where you want to hold the convention?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
MST3K
#1231
[Prelude to "WerePharaoh"]
Date: 12/10/2001
From: SantaMobius
[Prelude to "WerePharaoh": the end of 5UP3R-M4R10]
[PM is standing behind a large, hastily-constructed mound of earth. He's talking into a walkie-talkie.]
[PM] Sam, can you see the Warbot? Over.
[Sam] Yeah, Big Daddy. Over.
[PM] Good. Get as close as you can, and then become visible. Over.
[Sam] Big Daddy? I don't wanna become visible as long as I'm wearing this stupid costume. And I definitely don't want to get to close to that Warbot. Over.
[PM] You'll wear that costume and you'll like it, mister. It's the only way to get the 'bot to follow you into the trap. Besides, this is all your fault, so *you've* gotta be the one to risk your life. Over.
[Sam] Okay, okay. Sheesh! All right, I'm as close as I can get to the 'bot. Over.
[PM] Are you under it or over it, Sam? Over.
[Sam] Under. Over.
[PM] Over? Over.
[Sam] No, *UNDER*. Over.
[PM] Oh, Under! Under. [PM slaps his forehead.] I mean, Over.
[Sam] Going, visible, Big Daddy...
[Sam becomes visible near the robot, revealing that he's wearing an ant costume. He starts dancing around, yelling and taunting the robot.]
[Evil Mike] What the hell is that?!?
[Rimmer] I think it's Sam. But why's he wearing a bug costume?
[The Warbot notices Sam and stops breaking trees and stuff. It approximates licking its chops (inasmuch as a robot which was not designed with a tongue *can* approximate such a complex gesture) and starts chasing Sam.]
[Sam] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
[Lita9000] Oooookay.
[Sam runs toward the mound of earth and up its side, and dives behind it. The Warbot starts rooting around in the mound with its nose. While it is thus distracted, PM jumps up and slams a device that looks like one of those poison mushrooms from the Super Mario games into a convenient port in the top of the Warbot's head. The robot's eyes go dim, and it makes that sound that robots in movies always make when they're deactivated. You know, like a generator that's running down.]
[PM] Well, *that's* over.
[Sam, into walkie-talkie.] Roger, copy, over!
[PM smacks the back of Sam's head. He then presses a button on his ubiquitous remote control, and the robot teleports away (presumably, home).]
[Rimmer] You did it! You stopped the robot!
[Lita9000, in tears.] You bastard! Your stupid robot killed Spidey!!!
[PM] It did? Let me check him out. [PM examines Spidey.] Well, Spidey *is* really banged up, but he's not dead yet.
[Lita9000] REALLY?!?! You've gotta save him then!!! It was your damn robot that busted him up!!!
[PM] No problem! Stand back! [PM pulls a Red Potion™ from his satchel and feeds it to Spidey. Suddenly, a short red bar appears in the air next to Spidey, which rapidly grows in length. As it grows, it changes color from red to amber to green. When it stops, a message appears in the air: "Spidey: full HP!". With that, Spidey gets to its feet and nuzzles Lita9000 with its scary, multi-eyed, fang-filled head. Apparently only Lita9000 is not creeped out by this.]
[Grandmapa] Hey! Where'd ya get the red potion?
[PM] Eh, Gannon finally gave me the recipe after six friggin' years! I paid him the durn 5000 rupees in advance and everything!
[Rimmer] And once again, somebody *has* to ask: why are you helping us? We're revenging on you, remember?
[PM] It's to show that I'm not holding a grudge against you! And that I want to make amends, if I can. Here, I'll even turn the Nabut hologram off! [He flips a switch on the projector that's hidden under the hologram itself, and Mickey's body looks like Mickey again.] And is he in a coma? I can only assume that he his because his spirit's floating next to his body. Here, let me do something about that. [He pulls out a big bottle of pills, and a bottle of Hershey's chocolate sundae shell. He takes one of the pills and pours chocolate sauce on it until a solid chocolate coating forms on it.] Chocolate coating makes it go down easier. And now... [He forces the pill into Mickey's mouth, and makes him chew it up and swallow it. The first noticible effect is that Mickey's spirit is drawn, screaming and kicking, back into his body.] There. He ought to be up and around before you know it; say, fifteen minutes for full potency. And don't let him go swimming for at least an hour afterward.
[Mickey] I can't move!
[PM] Relax! You've been mostly dead all day! These things take time. Oh, it feels good to do nice things for people! I don't ever want to terrorize people again!
[Suddenly, a time portal opens up, and Buffalo falls out of it. Cupcake III steps out long enough to throw a suitcase at him, then steps back in.]
[Cupcake III] AND STAY OUT! Ruin our gene pool even more, willya... [The time portal closes.]
[Buffalo is lying in a heap, face down with his butt in the air. He's got *serious* plumber's crack going on.]
[Buffalo, mumbling] Don't go, CupcakeIII...
[Sam] Buffalo, ol' buddy!!! [He runs up and heartily pats his friend on the back, causing him to fall further forward. This in turn causes even more of his butt to show.
[Everyone but Tork] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!
[Tork] Hee hee! RAAAAARRR!!! Check it out! Full moon!
[PM] Full moon?!?!? [He convulses, and starts to change into a wurwolf...]
The lycanthropic Pharaoh Mobius
It begins!
Sarcophagus!
#1232
Yay!!!!1
Date: 12/10/2001
From: wurw_elf
.....................................
I'm lazy! YOU'RE WELCOME! Now if I can just get all the rest of my favorite sites to link up to each other I'll be happy.
Just for doing that for me so quickly, Fpoahraohnoahr, I won't tell (today) your work what you do here instead of actually working! YOU'RE WELCOME!
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
Is all smiles because she got her own way again!
#1233
(PM leaves, having weird convulsions)
Date: 12/10/2001
From: MickeysXmasCarol
Howl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tork: Hey, why's he convulsing like that? Grrrr...
Buffalo: Ah don't know, ah just got here.
Rimmer: Oh, I have an idea.
Mickey: Whoah, I just had this weird dream.
Gramps: That we were being chased by some new fangled robot contraption?
Mickey: No. That I was in jail, and 42 taught crickets to trapeze and I don't know...
Lita: It wasn't a dream, she's really in jail! And it's all your fault, Mickey!
Mickey: She is? Hey!
Lita: What?
Mickey: I'm me again!
Lita: Get her out, now!
Mickey: Okay...let's see. In my dream, I had an idea.
Lita: That doesn't mean a thing, seeing as how your ideas always go nowhere.
Mickey: Okay, I got it. Let me use your phone for a minute...
************************************************************
(sometime later, Ortega pulls up with the Big Misunderstood Sex Machine aka the armored car from the beginning of Diabolik sans time transport®. TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS gets out)
Mickey: Oh...hi.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Hi.
Mickey: You're looking well.
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: Can't say the same for you. What happened to the bald Egyptian guy?
Mickey: It's a long story. Teggy still want to kill me?
TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS: No. I've calmed him down quite a bit, if you know what...
Lita: STOP. Please? We get it.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
"Full moon"? Booooo!
Next up: Next up: PM is a werewolf, and Diabolik's Lair is comfy
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